In my previous blog, I shared some intimate details about the past 2 1/2years of my life. What I didn’t share was the struggles I overcame to become the person I am today. I experienced many dramatic changes in my life in a short amount of time. And I had no idea how to take control of my new life as a widow and an empty nester. I had no clear focus or direction to give my life meaning and purpose. When you experience such an extreme loss it is difficult to predict exactly how you are going to deal with the future that lies ahead. Struggling to come to terms with my new life I made a lot of poor choices. Which some of you reading this have witnessed firsthand. I chose to mask the pain with alcohol, a lot of alcohol daily. I pretended to be okay. But the truth is, I was very unhappy and afraid of my future.
Looking back, I realize to evolve I had to navigate through the following steps: Shock, Transition and finally Transformation. In the first year of my loss, I believe I was in shock. I was moving through my daily life with no clear direction. Unaware of my true feelings and emotions. The second year I experienced a period of transition. I sold our family home and slowly disconnected with my past life. Searching for my new identity I eliminated any association with days gone by. I am currently in the transformation stage of my life. I am learning that I can be a confident secure individual without a man and an abundance of alcohol to validate my life. Instead of being afraid of my future, I am excited about the endless possibilities. I am not saying that I have quit drinking forever. And that I am going to be holier than now and live a clean and sober lifestyle for the rest of my days. I mean lets face it, I enjoy a glass of fine wine. What I am saying is, that today I choose not to drink alcohol. Today…I choose to nourish my body with healthy foods. Today…I choose to exercise. Today…I choose to be confident with myself, no matter what size I am. Nobody looks good in their darkest hours. But its those hours that make us who we are.
Side note: I wrote this blog during the summer of 2019. I set some big goals for myself. Since I initially wrote this blog. I entered a fitness bikini competition at 50 years old. I introduced myself to the sport of golf. And I met someone very special to me. In part 3 of my story I will be sharing how I am working hard to be the best version of me for 2019. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. If this post has inspired you in anyway to achieve your own goals or you just want to chat. I am here to listen with no judgement.
“Challenges are what makes life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” Joshua J. Marine